Classical music is a beautiful thing. Still, some standards must apply. Here we have a group of losers that no amount of virtuosity can save.

The Cesspool Sonata

Rhapsody in Teale

The Madoff Variations

Cosi Fan Hootie

The Schwarzenegger Overture

Flight of the Dumbledore

Kirstie Alley’s Third Movement

The Pink Slip Symphony

Appalachian Springsteen

Ode to the Common Cold

Weiner’s Canon in D