Thanks to Dos Equis beer, we all have a good handle on what it’s like to be The Most Interesting Man in the World. But what about his polar opposite? How about some testimonials to tediosity? In that spirit, The Jimbo List humbly offers some insight into The Least Interesting Man in the World.

HIS BREATH CAN DULL A GINSU KNIFE

PAINT LIKES TO WATCH HIM DRY

HIS MOTHER HAS NO MEMORY OF HIS BIRTH

HIS FACEBOOK STATUS IS: COMATOSE

ON DOUBLE DATES, HIS ACCOUNTANT BUDDY ALWAYS GETS THE HOT CHICK

ZOOKEEPERS USE HIS VOICE MAIL MESSAGE TO CALM ANGRY RHINOS

HIS LIFE STORY IS HALF A PAGE, DOUBLE-SPACED

HE ONCE BEAT MOUNT RUSHMORE IN A STARING CONTEST

HIS BODY TEMPERATURE IS ABSOLUTE ZERO

You get the idea. Feel free to add to The List!