Jimbo’s Guide to Obnoxious Moviegoers

Now that summer blockbuster season is here, it’s time to concern ourselves with that most dreadful aspect of cinema – the Obnoxious Moviegoer. He or she comes in many forms, and all of them are revolting. Consider these varieties:

Drop-Ins – These dolts arrive 45 minutes into the movie, their candy wrappers a-crinkling, and seem to consider the film a mildly diverting backdrop to their evening snack.

The Light Brigade – People who open their cell phone every 10 minutes to check the time and retrieve messages.

Whack-A-Moles – Tall people who sink way down in their seat, then sit up, then sink down, then sit up, throughout the film.

Narrators – They verbalize each obvious action taking place on the screen. Example: “Did you see? Did you see that? Hulk grabbed that guy and smashed him into the ground! Did you see?”

Honey, I Scared the Kids – Parents who bring young children to movies WAY too scary or violent for their age.

Mood Busters – People (often kids) who find a serious part of the movie hilarious and start laughing.

Space Invaders – In an uncrowded theater, they decide to sit directly in front of, or behind you.

Knee & Foot Patrol – People sitting behind you who periodically throw a kick into your back.

Three Strikes You’re Out – No getting up more than twice during the show if you’re sitting more than five seats from the aisle.

Toxic Tootsies – These horrid creatures have the temerity to take off their shoes and cross their stinky feet in your general direction.

Oh, the things we put up with for a big-screen experience. Now it’s your turn. Which obnoxious moviegoers bother you the most? Add to The List!